Saturday, March 30, 2013

Dad"s Dream aka therapy

Your dad just woke up and told me his dream.

His dream was that he found out he had been adopted.  His birth mom was actually a VJ on MTV or something.  He said it was a super emotional dream.  He passed out in his dream when he met her.  She wasn't just a VJ she was a singer also.  Norma was the one who found his birth mom for him.  Damn.  You dad may be working through some stuff

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Denti vs Gyno

I was sitting in the denti chair yesterdia and thinking,

"Would I rather be here or at the gynocologist?"

Mouth or privates.  That's disgusting, but it's true.  I abhor both places and I must say I have a very nice dentist and Gyno.  Blahhhhhh.  Whatever.  So I feel like we live at Dr. Morris's office and yet it had been 1 year since we had been in to get our bocas checked on.  Turns out the orthodontist fills up my mouth calendar and I feel like maybe it should be enough.  ITS NOT.

Every freaking year ya'all get horrible reports from Dr. Mouth.  Sucky suck.  Seriously, taking care of my body is a full-time job;  ya'all are killing me.  Whatever.

Let's throw in the part where I adore that everyone has such a strong personality and it makes up for getting our mouths violated.  First off, Paige.  I love that you don't give a @#$@% and are all,

"Yea I don't floss at all." 

And the look on your face is "Eat crap and die"

Then we've got Ellie.  It scares the hell out of me to take you to the dentist.  Remember that time, wait you were a different personality so you probably don't remember it, but you jumped on the chair like an animal whilst getting a shot.  Twas AWESOME.  Your eyes darted around the room like you were being hunted by a tiger and you were going to take that big cat down--------------------town-----------like a clown. 

Carter.  Dude.  Chill out.  You don't have to beat yourself up over it.  You can get dentures someday.  Not a big deal.  I'm mean they are made to sort of look like teeth now so it's not so bad.

A.  You took the door prize yesterday.  I sent all of you out to the car to finish up getting my receipt and you ran back in.  You opened the door to the back office and started yelling,

"I DON'T LIKE MINT.  YOU GAVE ME MINT TOOTHPASTE."

I said, "Whoa there little ginger.  These ladies are not your Mama.  You don't get to talk to them like this."

You looked pissed at me and continued to stare down the dental hygenist.  AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You said,

"I WANT STRAWBERRY.  I DON"T LIKE SPICY."

I looked at you and you actually tried to lunge toward their end of the hall.  Like you were going to body slam the denti ladies.

"SLow your roll.  Apologize."

You said (still pissed)

"Sooorry."

You didn't mean it.

The dental assistant calmly came over and said,

"But Ava.  This is the toothpaste I want you to use. I will also give you a strawberry one."

You STOMPED out to the car.

When we all went out for pizza last night I gently prodded you to tell your father about the incident.  When he said,

"Ava, tell me what happened at the dentist."

You answered with a sly smile and said,

"I don't think I can answer that question."

Seriously.  You said that.  Okay.  You are ready for the real world lover.  We just need to grow your bones so you semi-look like an adult.  Because we are so  damn small you may never actually look like an adult.  Tis why I go with Semi.  You didn't blink or stutter when you said this to tu' padre.  Rad

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Wizzarding

So yesterday you came home, Ava, and had the following conversation with me.  Please keep in mind that you say EVERYTHING like it is unbelievable and also the most important information I may ever hear.

A: "Mom.  I had a writing assignment today at school and I had to write if Thing 1 and Thing 2 came to my house what I would do.  I wrote that if they came to my house I would train them to be dogs."

Mowesome."That is so cool.  I bet they would love being dogs."

A: "I told Zoe and she liked it and then I told Angelee and she didn't think it was funny.  AND SHÉ'S a WORD WIZZARD!!!!!"

Mowesome: "Huh?"

A: "and then I told my opposite Blake and he said it was funny.  He just needs three more words to be a word wizzard.  The rest of the word wizzards also thought it was funny."

Mowesome. "First of all why does it matter what a word wizzard thinks? Second, why do you say "your opposite"?"

A: "Well, he is a boy and I am a girl.  Remember how I am 6?  Well...........He is 5.  Also, even though he is 5 he is SOOOO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME."

Mowesome: "Would you like to study and become a word wizzard?"

A: "I'll give that some thought."

Please remember in kindergarten you are given 140 words to memorize.  I have made you flash cards and you refuse to study them.  On the one hand I enjoy that you aren't manipulated or guilted into wanting to be "part of the group" on the other hand you are being a bit lazy.  Just sayin.