Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Yenta



This is your dad's super sexy face.  EWWWEE MOM GROSS.  I know, but children this is what look he used to hook me in.  Hahahahah actually this picture makes me giggle like a young baseball player.  


Your father fancies himself a Yenta.  Seriously.  So he is trying to fix his friend Ben up and starts searching the customer lists of Babbitt Motor Werks facebook account.  Yep, that happened.  So he has these 2 ladies in mind and starts searching for them.  All of the sudden I hear laughing.  Laughing like he does when he bombs the bathroom.  You know the one I mean.  The one where he is all, "I just destroyed that place."  Damn that is nasty. 


Back to the laughing.  So he is like


Dad "Guess what?  The 2 girls I wanted to fix up are engaged."


Me/voice of reason, "Oh that's too bad."


Dad, "TO EACH OTHER."


What what?  Seriously.  Turns out your dad has no gaydar.

Twilight



I was running errands the other day when you called me and asked if you could go see the new Twilight Movie with Alyssa.  


BackGround:  I had discouraged reading these books due to the unreal example of what a healthy relationship is.  i.e.  boyfriend watching you sleep.  OR  Trying crazy  - dangerous activities when you get dumped by your boyfriend.  OR dumping all of your friends just to "hang" with your boyfriend 24/7 etc......


So I thought about it for a minute.  You expressed that you thought you were old enough to view this movie.  I expressed that she gives birth and there will probably quite a bit of blood.  You again stated that this should be okay.  


When I spoke with Alyssa's mom she shared the following:


She was speaking with her girlfriend about going to the movies and how she hadn't yet heard back from Alyssa's friends mother (Me!!).  Her friend said, "This is the girl that saw 2 chickens being killed in front of her.  She will be fine."


Love this perspective.  I am going to now apply the CHICKEN RULE to situations that I encounter with you, Miss. P.  For example:


Let's say you ask to go to a haunted house that I would normally deem inappropriate.  CHICKEN RULE.  Haunted House = not as scary as a chicken massacre.  


OR


Let's say you want to play light as a feather stiff as a board at a sleep over.  Never mind that is super funny.


OR


You wish to go out with a boy that has a bone sticking out of his nose holes,  he uses the "foul" language (Hehehehehe fowl language)  and he also is known for an affection for the raw meat.  I would implement the CHICKEN RULE and say  "way worse than a chicken massacre.  No to the date"

Monday, November 28, 2011



I walked in to your and your sister's room last night to the sound of words being repeated.  E, you had a notebook and you were reciting "new and difficult" words for A to repeat.  


"Approach"  "Approach"


"Appointment"  "Appointment"


"Extinct"  "It stinks"


"Extinct"  "IT STINK"


E, "Ava, just because I am saying it slowly doesn't mean that you do that also.  You need to say it correctly and say it fast."


A - You look like you get it and then say that "it stinks" once again.

The Holidays round here


We ventured out the other night with La Longes and it turns out Matthew and your Father think they are hat men.  Matthew was kind enough to get your dad a hat and scarf to wear out with them.  Oh, how kind of him.  



We move on to the man-boy child.  Braces are muy dinero.  We enjoy their abilities.  





Miss. A, you and I went out for lunch the other day.  It was a place called TruFood.  You enjoyed yourself.  You spoke to me the entire lunch about subjects that interested you.
A.  Cats that fart rainbows
B.  Unicorns that fart rainbows
C.  When you wear your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle dress to school your teacher likes it so much she sits by you the whole time.







We went to see the Muppet movie on Sat.  Holy Cow it was good.  I swayed to the music and I tried really hard not to cry when they sang my song.  It was really hard damn it.  Jason Segel is awe-amzing.  He brought back the lovely puppets and it was so uber cute.  


Whilst at the theater you - Mr. C and you Miss. A posed for a Star Wars pic.  They are mighty fierce.



This picture is hilarious.  

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A day in the life of La Mentally Handicapped




Remember this photo?  This was when tu padre and I signed the recall petition back in la dia for La Racist Pearce.  Sad to say that my faith had waned in the general public of this fine city;  but I was madly surprised to see that they voted La Racist out of office.  I know SHOCKING!!!  La Racist is none to happy about it and is now just making shit up on Foxx news.  That=not SHOCKING.  


Mesa just upgraded themselves from the Alabama 1964.  Heck Alabama 2011;  I'm not fooling myself into thinking Good Ol' Alabami has changed all that much.  Mesa is now so bright with some integrity that it has me shining my happiness up in every ones bizness.  


Let's take Uncle Danny - for example.  He is like that guy in that Peter Pan movie that Robin Williams was in where he LITERALLY lost his marbles.  Tio Daniel has gone and misplaced his tiny brain balls. Me hopes that he will somehow recover them.  2 days ago he forgot where he parked his golf cart.  He forgot who dropped him off as soon as they pulled out of the driveway.  Since this is just the saddest thing and I don't like to cry,  we have decided to make it into a memory making - foot stomping - lovely time.  


When he forgets something we will now sing the Umpa Lumpa song.  We will drive around and find "whatever" he has lost.  Who can be sad when they are singing that freaking song?  This kid in the picture has a genius for a mother.  Seriously lady, well done.  Los Daniel  - we will survive.  You might lose a golf cart or shirt or pants in the process (yes he keeps walking out of his "home on wheels" with only some undeewears on)  but we will survive the Alzheimer's.


I might have to take a card out of the Nancy Reagan playbook and put you in some clothes that zip up in the back.  I might also have to tattoo your name and address on your hairy body.  I may also change your name so your Alzheimersy self has a name I enjoy  - like - Roy or Floyd.  No matter what La Daniel y Roy,  it will be an adventure.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Treat day



Last night I was scratching your back and discussing how you were going to be in charge of treats tomorrow at school.  You asked what I packed for the treat.  When I answered Graham crackers you said (In a very high squeaky voice)

"Mom,  the kids are going to say, "Really Ava.  Again?""

It turns out that you were none too happy with this announcement.  You made the proposition that you could bring some leftover Halloween candy also.  

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A.E.W.B

A.H recently came over to do a photo shoot for a family and was kind enough to snap some pics of you Miss. AEWB.  They are GorGeous!  












As I was posting these you were standing next to me complaining about not being able to find the salami.  Hahaha Older you will think that sentence is funny.  We really did just come home from the grocery store and I haven't unloaded the bags yet.  You are in my ear being Persistent regarding la Salami.


Me the Mother, "A, you are about to lose some privileges and that will be a bummer.  That means no iphone, ipad, or Tv tomorrow."


A: "Aww mom.  Can I at least pet a dog if I see one?"


Random.  This is what went through your mind when you start to lose la privileges.  Roja Muchacha this is very funny.  Next time you make the choice not to do the right thing I will list "Dog Petting" as a consequence.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Gorillas

Paige:  "Mom, do you think there are aliens. "


Me: "Yes.  (your sister gives me a look like I've dropped my marbles in the sink.)  Don't you think if we saw a dinosaur right now and you weren't previously educated on them you would think - - - - ALieN"


Paige: "Maybe, but they are extinct, just like we are going to be extinct.  There is proof on other planets that there was life and now they are extinct.  We just showed up after the dinosaurs and will last for a bit."


Me: "Where did we come from?"


Paige: "Well you could say God; or you could be sci ency and say gorillas."


The rest of dinner you gave us a "lesson" on some worm that has a name like hydrocephlofungus and just giggled telling us all about it.  You looked at us like we were aliens when we said we didn't know what they were.  You muchacha crack me up.  

Monday, November 7, 2011

Daniel

Danny walked in to the office today whilst I was looking at a picture of a Nikon 1 camera that I am coveting.  I said:


Me, "Yo Daniel.  Waz up in your biziness?"  (I know I am not very good at the g talk.  What I say doesn't even make sense.)


D: "Is that a camera that lets you see inside of the earth?"


Me, "Huh.  No it is not ."


D: "That sucks.  You can only take pictures of people."


Me, "Yes."


D: "That's too bad."


What the hell just happened?  Uncle Danny has been acting mighty strange as of late.  This is one of those comments that makes me wonder what he has been watching on the cable.  

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Oh #2


Oh, mouth full of money,  you have been cracking your dad and I up.  Maybe this is because we finally started talking to you.  


Regardless, you told a hilarious story about some boy named Ronnie who let's you and your ladies know if your outfits are cute or not.  He also told you that he has 2 kids.  One child he fathered when he was out at a night club and hooked up with a 29 yr old girl.  You broke down the math for him and explained that he was 3 at the time if his son is 8.  You make us giggle!!

Halloween 2011

It twas a crazy Halloween week.  Chics and boy I said WEEK.  We decided to have a joint birthday party for you - A and you - E.  It was a great time and very tiring.  Then there were school parties, friend parties, neighborhood parties, and then actual Halloween.  Hot Damn I am happy to be done with it all.  

Last night for "actual" Halloween we dropped you, P, off at Alyssa's and then went over to Kristen and Matt's house for yous E and A to trick - o -treat.  Carter, you decided to stay home and read the 11th book of Rangers Apprentice that just came out.  It was a great time at Kristen and Matt's.  Your dad kind of outed Matt on possibly changing his religious views.  Outed as in mentioning it to Matt's parents.  AWKWARD.  Do you know what was even more awkward?  It was when someone told another someone that they "think to much".  This was said with much distaste.  It was said like they had just swished salty poo water in their mouth to cleanse their palate.  Your dad always brings it.   Love him.  

We drove home and while dad and I were unloading the car I told all of you to go brush your teeth.  When we walked in this is what we found:





It looks mighty uncomfortable.  It took maybe 90 seconds for this to happen.  I admire this talent.  


On a side note:  You came up to me today and said:


A:  " Did you put the pool cover on because I decided I liked to swim on top of the water and not under it?"


Mom: " No."


A:  " Did you know that I would close my eyes and use my imagination as a map to find the step?"


Mom: "Huh.  Sometimes you say the fanciest things."