Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Girl, you just had a baby in your pants

Did I mention the fun little story about the TV show "I didn't know I was pregnant."  Kids, yes in 2012 there were enough crazy ladies that didn't know they had a bun in la oven that they were able to make a whole series about it.  

As Ms. Silvia and I are trying to breathe through the Krazy Kaptain Kontractions, she says the following:  (I can't make this up)

SilvaMama: " So on that show I didn't know I was pregnant there was a lady who had stomach craps and went to the hospital and when the nurse pulled down her pants and exclaimed  - - "Girl,  you just had a baby in your pants."  I totally want someone to say that to me."

Yes, this came out of her mouth.  No.  I'm serious.  Why don't you believe me?  So the rest of the labor we kept saying, "Girl, you just had a baby in your pants."  Unfortunately, Silva wasn't wearing any pants.  Instead they still have those dumb ass crazy net underwear things.  I sure as heck hope they come up with something different by the time you guys get knocked up by man boys (Men NEVER grow up)  and bring a baby through your sacred canal of life.

Journey to the Center of La Vagina. Part 2. Kaptain Kris is Krazy

So after 30 min of pushing Carmen frantically called Dr. Lee.  It got to the point where she kept firmly telling Silvia "DO NOT PUSH!"  Silvia was moaning and in pain.  As soon as Dr.  Lee walked in, Carmen was all "Get your gloves on."

We sort of started pushing and Gush  - here came the Kaptain.  Carmen and I grabbed him and stuck in him Silvia's belly.  We kept saying ,  "Why hello Kaptain."  I just watched the video back and I clap when he is born like Madea.  I guess this is appropriate because Silvia likes herself some Madea.    

On a LOVELY side note.  Before the baby was born I was discussing circumcision with Silvia and she was NOT a fan of it.  I was very determined to make her understand that it is a good thing.  I gave her the example that dad always uses about boys in the locker room showers checking each other out and it not fun if you are the 1 kid that isn't circumcised.  She looked at me all weird and Uncle Mike tried to explain that in Sports boys shower together.  She then said, "Oh,  like in jail."  I couldn't stop laughing. Hahahahahaha  awesome.  I love a good jail reference.

Kaptain is adorable and below is my fav picture of the whole day / evening extravaganza.

They took him over to be weighed and he came in at 6 lbs,  6 oz.  18 in long.  Head circumference at 13 inches.  

We only actually saw Dr.  Lee for maybe 20min.  He is his noggin in this one pic.  

The Kaptain

Journey to the Center of the Vagina. Kaptain's excapades

So yesterdia I received a phone call at 4:20 from Tia Norma stating that Silvia was at the hospital and in labor.  She was at a 3 and was by herself.  I scooted on over there and found her in la labor.  

We quickly asked for a ball and sat her on top.  Check out the " these just feel like cramps, I got this smile."  look on her face.  Hahaha Derrick took her for a stroll around the hallways and came back after 30 minutes in full on labor.

38 sec contractions every 2:34 minutes.  (I love my iphone.  I know I'm old when I say this, but technology is grand my dears.  I could just click my wee stop watch on my phone.  It is like magic)

This is Carmen, Silvia's nurse.  She deserves a medal.  I might make her one.  When your cousin was leaning over crying during her epidural, Carmen was in her face,  talking in a soothing voice and saying angelic things.  

Silvia went from a six to a 9 1/2 in 3 hours once she received the epidural.  Then it was time to experiment pushing.

Did I mention that Uncle Mike was up in Page AZ doing some business.  He rode up there with Uncle Phil, so he had to rent a car and drive back.  He sped back and made it to the hospital in 4 1/2 hours.  Hot Damn Tio.  

Here we are just before the lovely 30 minutes of pushing ensued.  

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Paige and her mind

Paige, "Mom do you know where my ipod is?"

Micdator, "I'm a little nervous that you lose your ipod every single day.  It makes me wonder what is going to happen when you have something of value, Like a dr. license or a child."

Paige, "MOOOOM.  I don't lose it EVERYDAY.  I just forget where I leave it."

Friday, June 8, 2012


Today you two - E and A - rode with me to 2 of the shops.  This was our conversation:

A, "I sometimes hold my burps in and then they come out my butt.  I don't tell my friends or they won't want to be friends with me anymore."

E, "I think that I should live at home until I save enough money to buy a house.  What do you think?"

Mofessor, "A, I think your friends may do the same thing.  Tis ok to talk to them about it I think.  E, I think that is a wise choice."

E, "How does the whole house buying thing work?"

Mofessor, "You will need a min of 20% down and then you take out a home loan.  Home loans are typically 30 years and they charge what is called interest.  This is how they make their money.  If you can save for the whole house that would be amazing.  Just remember to live within your means."

E, "I think I will live with you guys for a REALLY long time so that I can save up for a house."

You then turn to look out the window with a serious, yet positive look on your face.  It was if you planned out your life just then and the rest will all fall into place.  

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Paige and Alyssa throw a Party

Paige and Alyssa threw an end of Elementary School Partay.  It was just glorious.  They swam, we had a large projector showing a movie, three young men showed up for a bit, they "slept" in the yurt, and the next morning they GOT to ride in the big ol' van and chow at the Waffle House.  Dios Mio that was a great time.  When I asked what they did until their bed time of 4am I was told, "Duck duck goose and ring around the yurt."  Seriously.  Seriously Seriously.  

Carter was a great help.  He swam with ya and kept an eye on you whilst the young men were about.  Thank heavens he was there to keep things in order.  After the Waffle Awesome House I dropped everyone off at their perspective homes with the aid of the Big White van.  Carter hung out the window and shouted, "I love you" to all of the lovely ladies.  He is quite the man.

A few more Graduation

5 and interesting

My numerous conversations with you.......A...........and what we talked about when you were 5.

Ava, "I can totally float now because I BELIEVE I can."

You floated liked a badass at this point.  Then you would pop up and say, "I believed I could."  Twas awesome!!

A few short minutes later:

Ava, "Mom,  (said in a super excited voice) how old do you think I will be when I get my period?"

Mom, "That is a very interesting question.  It really depends on your body fat and if we look at our family history then I would suspect the 7th grade."

Ellie, "Me, Me, Me.  Do me.  How old will I be?"

Paige, "What if I stay skinny.  Will I not get it?"

Ava, "What if I get fat or know someone who is fat?  Will I get it when I am 8?"

Mom who rocks this sort of conversation." Well,  it is based on your body type, hormones, etc.  If I were to guess - (I point to each one of you) this summer - 7th grade - and 9th grade.  Done. "

Ava, "5 plus 26 is 98."

Mommers, "huh?"

Ava, "97?"