Wednesday, July 27, 2011

About Last Night

Last night we were sitting with Danny and Sam and Jyl were there.  Typically we look like the above picture. (check out my finger on my forehead.  I'm a thinker people.  I was prob playing scrabble.  It looks very much like I was creating some elixir for Gargamel to use against Papa Smurf whilst they are out collecting berries.)  Last evening was the exception.  We were all chatting and laughing when your Oh so Special Uncle says,

D "I say, I say it is a good thing the bathroom is right there.  (pointing 2 feet away) Once you reach 40 you really can't trust a fart."

Huh Huh.  I look to your dad for clarification.  Yep.  Tis what he said.  Of course your Captain says, 

Captain: "I wonder which nurse had to learn that lesson."

Oh slap me with something soft; your fathery Captain is so freaking funny.  Uncle Danny is laughing in his Chubaca / Dr. Evil sort of way.  He sort of looks down in one of his laughing fits and realizes his underwears are hanging out of his evening gown.

D:  "I say, I say should I cover up my junk."

Holy Hell Daniel.  Junk?  If there were an area of the Special Olympics that involved "inappropriate things one can say."  I would sign you up asap.  

On a side note:  #4 you are beyond into enunciating.  Whenever you wish to say something meaningful you stop - use LARGE hand gestures - and ENUNCIATE the crap out of whatever you are saying.   ie:  "MOMM  ELLIE SAID NOOO YOU CAN'T USE MY CUMERA."  (Dear Grown-up Ava,  Cumera is also known as a camera.  It took me 2 LONG minutes to figure that out.) 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I found this on my bed last night

To Mom:    (There are hearts covering the upper portion of the paper.  There is also a GIGANTIC picture of a mouth with great teeth)

Dear Mom,

My tooth shall be under my pillow again.  I do desprately hope for an award for letting you pull it out (one of your favorite hobbies besides popping zits).  I hope this friendly letter is satisfactory enough for you.  (Next two lines are filled with hearts)  

Your dearly beloved,
Paige Wenzel Babbitt

P.S I brushed and flossed my teeth

I love you SMILE!!

Hey Joe

I was sitting with Danny this morning watching episodes of Gene Simmons reality TV show.  Totally awesome time!  Danny kept grabbing my hand and saying, 

D: "Jen, Thanks for being here."

It was super sweet and also freaking hilarious because every 2 minutes a weird ass noise would come from the other side of the curtain.  Danny has a roommate.  His roommate makes HILLLARIOUSSS noises all day long.  One sounded like,


Every time he makes these noises Danny shouts, "You get it all out Joe?"  or "You ok Joe?"

About 30 minutes into our riveting programing Old Man Joe decided to spank his monkey.  No, I am not kidding.  I hear an eeerreerreerr noise.  I think "Joe" might be trying to cut up his meat on his plate.  I peek around the curtain. No, he is grabbing his meat and being inappropriate.  AHHHHH.  Danny shouts:

D: "You get it all out Joe?"

Is this seriously happening?  

Another 30 minutes later. Danny grabs his stomach and says (laughing)

D: "I am so full."

Me (The only mature grown-up in the freaking room) "Really.  You haven't eaten in 6 days."

D: "Hehehee I know.  I think this liquid is super filling.  Oh Joe, you think so too?"

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Lemonade just like your pool guy made

Uncle Danny drank some pool acid a couple of days ago.  He thought it was lemonade.  Why - it was yellow.  Did he just take one sip?  No.  He took 2 LARGE gulps.  

He has now been in the hospital for 2 days and it looks like he will be there another week.  They just kicked dad and I out so they could put in a central line.  I remember when Auntie Kimmy had a central line.  It makes me a little sick to the stomach.  

It has been quite the craziness around here since the mishap.  Ellie, you rode part way to the hospital with dad and Danny and said, 

Ellie, "Oh Danny I am so sad for you.   I love you and hope you are ok."

It was super sweet and Uncle Danny cried when you said it.  I am so super grateful you were with him on that car ride!!

Today and last night you, Miss A, keep saying the following with such exasperation:

A: "WHY DID HE THINK IT WAS LEMONADE?  I don't understand!!!!!!"

Mom:  "He is special sweetie."

A: "He was special before when he was smart MOMMMM."

Mom:  "He hurt his brain in the car accident and now his brain doesn't always work the way it needs to."

A:  "I DONT GET IT!!!!!  Why did a car hit him.  Is he a dad?"

Mom:  "No, he is not a dad.  Metal hit his head in the accident and he had some bruises on his brain."

A:  "Ohhhhhh mom.  You just don't get it."

Needless to say it has been quite interesting explaining things to Danny and you,  Miss A.  I'm a little wee bit tired!

Monday, July 18, 2011

1st day

Today was the first day in la pool.  YAAAAAHHHHEEEEHAWWWW.  I'm taking massive amounts of pictures.  

When I asked you guys to take a dump in the back acre in order not to mess up my house, you looked at me with loco eyes.  Is this a weird request?  I think not.  The house was SUPER clean and you my dears-------------------were not.  So, it was a bit interesting when you, #1, took me up on my request just as your Uncle and some random decided to make themselves at home and head on back to where we were.   HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

What do you mean it is trashy to pee / poo in the yard?  You live in a freaking forest.  Stop stressing.  Animals do it ALLLLLL the time.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Remember Gorillas in the Mist

Remember Sigourney Weaver in Gorillas in the Mist.  I totally channeled her last night whilst de-hairing Uncle Danny's back.  I was reading a funny lady's blog the other day and was beyond excited to read about a hair removal product that has been tried on delicate parts.
I ordered FIVE tubes from the company that makes it.  Sitting around the hole in the ground that is going to be our pool I shared my find with your dad and your Uncle Danny.  

Danny squealed in stuttering delight.  It literally sounded like Chewbaca may have been part pig and was making a noise that was a result of Hans Solo saying,

"Chewy,  I'm not really in love with Leah.  I've secretly been in love with you for years. "

When I removed Uncle Danny's shirt it was 2 INCH LONG HAIR.  Not kidding.  The pictures don't do it justice.   I slathered on the hair removal product that is made for a black man's head.  We sat around and giggled about gorilla back for 10 minutes and then made our way to the side of the house.

Your dad grabbed water bottle caps for us to spin around the 2 INCH hair.  Seriously, the pictures do not do it justice.  The HAIR WAS IN GLOBS.  GLOBS little people.  Dios Mio.  HOW the crap is he so bald on his head and has a back and chest like teenwolf ( Numero 2 style).   Oh, Jason Bateman I am still crushing on you.

GLOBS of Chewbaca hair.

Spraying down the beast.

He is sooooooo thrilled about the hair loss.  I can't get over this smile.

I told him to start posing and this is what I get.  There is a pic where he is flexing his muscles, but this one is so bizarre that I had to post it.  I'm assuming it is an ode to Karate Kid.  Since Danny still can't move past 1987 it is obviously something to do with Karate Kid, Star Wars, Cops, or Back to the Future.    His obsession with Cops is crazy.  

Pool Update

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Man-Boy is working out

This is after your first workout sessio'n.  I will keep updating pictures every week.  I LOVE how your arms can't even fit next to your sides - you are so buff it is hard to squeeze them down.  It is also possible that you were so sore it was hard to move.  Dios Mio.

So, yesterday Hell froze over.  Enough to skate on.  I threw on my blades and took a spin on la ice.  It was so much fun I went around a second time.  How, you ask, did it freeze?  Let me explain:

1. I enrolled you and your sister (#2) in a class on how to make animated movies.
2. Remember how you channel Eeyore and everything is kind of a downer lately?
3. You were upset that I put you in the class.  You complained for 2 hours straight prior to setting your precious feet in said class.
4.  You stated, "Next summer I'm enrolling myself in fun classes.  You aren't allowed to put me in any other classes."  To which I said, "Oh young man you are in charge of your attitude."  To which you said, "Pshhhh"  I'm pretty sure that is code for something much more fowl.

So imagine my fake surprise when I pick you up and #2 rushes out the door to say,

"Carter had such a fun time and doesn't want you to know."

Me, "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah  (deep breath)  Hahahahahahahahahahahahah (small fart) AAAAHHHahahahahahahaha"


I really LOVED this movie.   It reminded me so much of ET and Goonies all rolled into one.  I hope Steven S decides to make some more of this type of movie.  I HEART it so very much.
I got a new couch for the front room!!!!  

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Christopher Walken y Suspenders

I'm really unsure of a better combination.  He is one our FAVORITE actors of all freaking time;  and Carter, you wished to bring sexy back with la ligas.  (Check out that Spanish JLo.)  I'm also enjoying a pair of legs sticking out of your side.  I'm suspecting Elle was sitting in the chair behind you and decided not to move.

Pizzaria Bianco

We went there.  It was only a 4 hour wait.  Chowed at the Rose and Crown whilst we waited.  It was TOALLY worth the wait.  I guess the business side of me doesn't understand why they don't move into a bigger building and share the love a bit more.  

The First Steps of Building a Pool

The digging started in the morning and was done by the end of that 1st day.  

I didn't have any fab pictures of the rebar so imagine a web of metal encompassing this interior pit.

Shotcrete day.  I enjoyed the tent.  It was kind of them to think of not making too crazy of a mess.  Mucho gracias shotcreters!

After spraying the concrete in they spread it down for the next 6 hours.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Movie Night A la Gnomeo y Juliet AKA Boring y Boring

Ever since we made the back room your den of comfort all of you have been enjoying the big screen en style.  Last night I was wandering the hallway when I stumbled upon a trio of lovelies in laundry basket beds.  Ellie, you totally fashioned some muy comfortable digs for tu hermanas to view Gnomeo y Juliet.  

(Just a side note.  It is a boring / dull / painful movie for adults to watch.  Usually I enjoy some Despicable me or MegaMind.  This movie was a la DULL)

Regardless, you all fancy yourself a little teenage gnome lovin.  

Your "too cool for school" hermano sneakily joined you to watch a la horrible movie.  I went to bed; but it looked as if you all had a blast hanging out and watching the "movie".  

Pinata Making Party

 #4, you are a wee bit obsessed with pinatas as of late.  I believe you want a horse one and then have conflicting feelings about beating a horse with a stick.  Instead of damaging your brain with the thought of you beating an animal till its belly spews candy, we made our own.  BALLOON pinatas.  Paige invited Alyssa over to partake of the family fun.  

Alyssa, you look like there may be poo in your hand that you are currently smelling.  In actuality it was the first time you were touching the glue-goop stuff and the texture was odd.  

Paige, look how fancy you are to make a pinata?  

Dear 13 yr old Carter

Hello gorgeous 13 yr old Carter,

You are having a great summer!!  You go to Sunsplash a couple of times a week with friends or your sister.  As of Tuesday you started working out with a trainer - DON THE TRAINER.  He is Am mazzz ing.  Don reminds me of my version of Santa.  The 1st time we met with Trainer Don he told the 3 of us that you will be much taller than tu padre.  It was cool to look over at the two of you and see beaming faces.  You dad is happy that he didn't do you a disservice by breeding with another short person.

Yesterday Trainer Don advised us to get you some new shoes.  SIZE 8 and you will probably shoot past soon since they are just a thumb width big.  HOT DAMN young man; tu padre wears a 9.  Pretty soon you two will be sharing shoes and clothes and that will be HILLLLLARIOUS to me.

As it is stated in my 7th grade yearbook 32 times ----------"STAY COOL"


Your Incubator

#4 Camera time

Hey Spaghetti face.  You wanted to take pictures for hours when you were 4.  SERIOUSLY HOURS.


We stayed at the Westin Kierland Commons a couple of weeks ago for our summer staycation.  Super good prices $100 per night, great kids lagoony pool area, fun pool side food service, not so fun all staying one room.  

The Longs came up one day to swim and twas a la lovely.  Went to Five guys burgers, In N out, and Baja Fresh for our meals.  This was 1 day following "Skin Cancer Extravaganza Surgery".  Your Pirate DAPAIN (captain y dad - hehehehe) wore his hat the whole time and his bandages.  Twice during our relaxation time some random stranger made a comment like, "Whoa, next time she decides to beat you up get some back-up."  HAHAHA oh stranger you so funny.  We love ourselves some domestic violence jokes.  That would be my version of a joke funny stranger.

Since you, numero 4, love yourself some camera time I devoted a ton of frames to this adorable face.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Have you ever been 39 and met siblings for the first time?

We had a few cocktails before meeting the newest sibling.  (We met a NEW SIBLING ladies and gent.  Yes, you consume a few cocktails when you are 39 and you have never met your father's first wife's children before.  Since this is probably uncharted territory for 99.9% of the population in the good 'ol USA we are going to start a set of rules.  1.  Drink a bit before 1st encounter.  That is it - just 1 rule is sufficient.)

Check out our smiles in the above pictures!!  We loved meeting Blanca and thoroughly enjoyed hanging with Irma and Mickie once again.  

How interesting it is to me to meet siblings for the 1st or 2nd time and realize HOW MUCH they look like the siblings I have known for 16 years.  I LOVE IT!  These women are so gorgeous and they are some of the kindest people I have ever met.   Don't you love it when people are super relaxed, open, and nice.  

Here is the funny part of the story.  I thought I booked them a stay at Gainey Ranch.  Nathan, Larry, Karie, and I are waiting at Gainey Ranch for them.  Mickie calls me and says they don't see us in the lobby.  I say, "We are by the pool/golf course."  To which she says, "There is no golf course at this hotel."  Guess What I booked them at Gainey Suites not Gainey Ranch.  Seriously.  Your mama es muy awesome!!  

Mickie and Karie are going to absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture!!

Wee swimsuit show

Your dad has implemented a rule for the new pool.  SPEEDOS.  Yes, all men and small men have to don speedos before entering the water.  We've decided to banish homophobia from our presence and embrace our natural heritage -------- EUROPA.  

Since his body is that of a perfect superstar and his hair is a la Bo and Luke Duke (collective 1982 sigh) I rather enjoy his new rule.  View my pleasure below:  

The Year of the Bear

This summer has been super!! lovely thus far.  Here is a great pic of you guys with one of your besties MS.  DYLAN.  Ellie, when you were 2 you ran around in a spiderman costume for 1 yr straight.  Look at my face darling, "ONE YEAR STRAIGHT".  Let us put this into perspective.  

1.  The costume was spandexy so it grew with you.
2.  You were uber tiny and didn't grow much that year.  This was around the time you were still wearing build a bear workshop clothes.
3.  You wore it with crocs.  One black and one brown one.
4.  There was a matching Mexican wrestling mask that you wore with it. 

So I was a wee bit thrilled when your costume of choice for this season was a bear.  Bears go with whatever the family is wearing soooo much more than superhero does.  I mean brown can really stretch to match any style don't ya think.  

Friday, July 1, 2011

I'm sitting in the office right now and overhear this:

Carter: "Which one of you took a crap in my bathroom?"

Ava: "Me.  It's the meat sauce.  I'm proud of myself.  There is another one coming.  My poop is having a hard time coming out."

I am elevating the status of our potty mouths to DEFCON 4