Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Soap in thy mouth

Turns out I may have a mouth on me.  Not just your bossy - smarty - kind of mouth.  Turns out it may be a wee bit dirty.  I ran some errand for all of my masters / you guys the other day when you #4 said to your Captain


A: "Mom left her ipad.  She is going to say, "Damn it I forgot my ipad."


Captain: "What what??"


A: "ahhhh dad listen to me.  She will say DAMN IT I forgot My FREAKING IPAD."

Friday, June 24, 2011

MOUSE HOUSE




I'm sitting in the Tempe shop having a little lunch with 2 employees and Uncle Danny.  It is an interesting time with the discussion ranging from one of them being a "player" to  Rhett being stung by a scorpion in our backyard.  When it moved to the stinging demon discussion I remember to remind Danny not to sprinkle the rat poisoning around the backyard.  (Yes, my brain bounces around from - 1. deviltail 2. Danny has wood by his trailer that will attract them 3. He also told me he dumped poison around to kill rats) Since he was ""raised"" (double quotes for this one) by Homer he tends to 
1.  Over medicate.  If he isn't sick he enjoys some Theraflu.  If he is sick he believes it should be consumed in Costco quantities
2.  Transplants any flower/shrub/tree with fervor.  Plants that are doing great are plucked up and planted 2 feet away.  Why???? Excellent question my dears.  His "biological" father fancied himself a farmer.  Farmers plant shit.  
3.  He LOVES to poison gofers and other rodents.  This is done with as much gusto as the Theraflu.


BACK TO THE CONVERSATION:


Danny:  (in a hushed whisper) "Psst.  I need to tell you something in private."


Me THE Mother Figure:  "It's okay.  Tell me now.  What's up?"


Danny: "I've been sleeping with one."


ALL HEADS WHIP AROUND and TALKING COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT.  THE ROOM IS SILENT AND AWAITS MY NEXT QUESTION:


Me THE Mother Figure:  "What, pray tell have you been sleeping with?"


Danny:  "It was really hairy.  It ain't no grasshopper."


Me THE Mother Figure:  "Did it spoon you?  How on earth did you know you were sleeping with a mouse?"


Danny:  "I opened my eyes one morning and it was sitting in front of my face.  I reached out and touched it.  It was sooooo soft. (Big Smile)"


GASPS


Me THE Mother Figure: "WTFFFFF?"  Inside my head: "Ok girl, put on a kind calm face.  He isn't freaking out about sleeping with a mouse. "  Out Loud: "Why don't you go pick up some mouse traps? "


Danny: "I don't really feel like it."


I grabbed some...... (16)...... mouse traps later and delivered them to his mousehouse with some cut up cheese.  He looked perplexed.  


I reminded him again that we have a puppy and I don't wish to have her die from his party with rat poison.  


The DEBUT OF FIVE

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Resort



This picture makes me giggle.  It was like you were foreshadowing your teen face for me.  This is the current look on thy face about 85% of the time.  It is a mix of 
"How.............on earth.........am I related to all of you?"
and 
"I am going to just ignore all of you and pretend this isn't happening."


We had such a fab time at the resort this week.  6 of us in ONE hotel room - priceless.  Everyone got along pretty well for being so lovingly close for 4 days.  There was a bit o farting in each others faces.  Other than the gas in the mouth phase that you are all in it was pretty great.  There was a bunch of swimming, eating, and watching of "The Deadliest Catch".  I googleboxed all of our deadliest catch questions on my ipad and we learned so very much.  They earn $1000 - $3000 per day.  Wow!  Oh wait, 99% accident rate.   Yuck!


Thank you all for the wonderful company.  Dad and I are muy grateful that we were able to spend time with you.

Monday, June 20, 2011

This lovely week

What a harried week.  A little cancer removal, a lot of running around, a bit of pool construction, Father's Day, summer school, cousins - cousins- cousins.  Your dad is officially a Pirate.  We realized after the surgery that we should have had Dr. Glick do the scar in a zigzag pattern.  He could have been Arrrry Potter.  

As we were sitting having Father's Day breakfast yesterday the following conversations ensued:

Ellie: "I'm asking for a hamster for Christmas, because I can ask for anything from Santa."

Me The Mom: "You can not ask for things I don't allow in the house."

Ava: "Can I marry a girl when I get older?"

Me The Mom: "Yes Ava.  Ellie it is too crazy to have a hamster when there are dogs around."

Ellie: "So she can marry a girl when she gets older and I can't have a hamster?  That is crazy."





Friday, June 3, 2011

The Local Babbitt Baby

I am reusing this picture to illustrate that your dad is a LARGE baby. It looks like I may have just nursed him. Not in a gross mom and dad kind of way; literally in a baby kind of way.

We were ALL in the blue FLex yesteryear on our way to THE TARGET. Twas a lovely time. We were chatting of our day. Dad and I explained how we met with Ehren today and put some money in the market. We regurgitated what we learned of Walmart stock. Carter my man, you asked if you could open up a Charles Schwab account and buy some "shares of a company".

I don't know HOW the transition occurred, but somehow it converged to "What is your God given Gift?" Your boy-man dad had each of you go around the car and state what you think his "God Given Gift - GGG" is.

Paige, " I believe that it is that you are so flawless."

BLAAAAHSLDKJFLSDKJFLK I just threw up in my lap, on my really nice new shorts from Urban Outfitters. Damn, I love these shorts. Your dad thinks I have been wearing them too much. I say, "Is there such a thing? "

Back to the rounds of GGG.

Carter, " I believe you hair is a gift."

Ellie and Ava, "Me TOO!!"

Paige, "I believe it is your kindness to others. You can also fix ANYTHING."

Dad, "Oh Paige, you are so right. Does anyone else want to add anything?"