Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Old Man River


So, the first time I met your grandfather he had pants on, but soooo many times after that he did not.  Rather he had long johns / sleep bottoms / or underwear on.  I walked into the kitchen the other day to find that your father has turned 80.  He was wearing his Under Armour long johns as clothing - by itself.  

Not only is this occuring, but when we were watching How I met Your Mother he asked so many ridiculous questions like this,  ( PLEASE say this in a crotchidy old man voice - like the ancient janitor guy in Harry Potter)



"WHaaat?  How did she know him.  I don't understand did they already know him?  How did she find him?  I don't get it this makes no sense.  Did she try to find him?"

AHHHHH really dude.  

A typical Day


On a normal day I pick up my phone to find a slew of pictures of you.  It makes my day.  Thanks Lover.



Hair Man


The other morning I gave you a "Haircut" 5 minutes before leaving for school.  We fly by the seat of our pantalones at our house.  It is just how we roll.  IT is muy unfortunate that you moved your head down a bit while I was cutting.  It is also super unfortunate that I have NO CLUE how to cut hair.  I really have no business pretending that I can do almost everything.  You took it well.  I hairsprayed them to the side the first morning and told you that Unicorns prefer girls with hairsprayed, feathered, short bangs.  


You are a great kid Ava.  You really took it like a champ.  I code spoke with your father that evening and you broke the code and told me that I was talking about your bad haircut.  Damn it.   My code speak it part English, part Spanish, and part weird.  I can't really describe it.  I'm not so fun to play pictionary with for I code speak the whole time with my pictures.  

"what do you mean it looks like a tamale or an armpit?  I drew that because it is a Mexican dog that likes to play with baseball bats? Duh"

Hair man - it will grow back.  Vitamins per Sue will be our solution.



Christmas Tree


I took you young ladies out to pick a Christmas tree the other night.  Tu' padre and hermano were at an Artic Monkeys concert.  The above gentleman was so nice and educated ya'all on the age and requirements of the tree.  


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Thanksgiving 2013


Just in case, I think that you should be prepared to work in the food service industry.  Therefore, I am prepping you to peel and chop.  No, it is not because I am lazy.  Damn dude.  Seriously, I have your best interest in my wee heart of stone.  I want you to be able to walk into Wendy's and run the shiz out of that place if you have to.  What? Yes, of course you should prepare with real food.  No, they have food that looks sort of real so it is kind of the same thing.  Oh my gosh just peel. 


pie making





Monday, December 9, 2013

When you become grumpy........

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF

19 Signs You’re Doing Better than You Think


19 Signs You’re Doing Better than You Think
Even in uncertain times, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.
True wealth is the ability to fully experience life.
- Henry David Thoreau
  1. You are alive.
  2. You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.
  3. You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.
  4. You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.
  5. You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.
  6. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.
  7. You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.
  8. You had a choice of what clothes to wear.
  9. You haven’t feared for your life today.
  10. You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learnedand survived.
  11. You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.
  12. You live in a country that protects your basic human rights and civil liberties.
  13. You are reasonably strong and healthy – if you got sick today, you could recover.
  14. You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.
  15. You have someone with whom to reminisce about ‘the good old days.’
  16. You have access to clean drinking water.
  17. You have access to medical care.
  18. You have access to the Internet.
  19. You can read.

El Pollo

So, Ellie and Ava were gone the other day and you two (P and C) had your father take you to Sonic for lunch.  You brought it home and as you were sitting at the table eating your father says, 

"Man Jen,  I really need you to teach me how to take them out places.  They sneak in food and order it all funny and I spend $17 at Sonic.  SONIC.  For only 2 kids."

Mom. aka.Bad ass, " What the heck did they order?  I see a hot dog and some drinks."


TO WHICH TU' PADRE REPLIES



FINGER STRIPPERS



We can now add finger strippers to sweat bottoms