Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Happenings in the last 2 days

1.  Ava, you read your first real book to us.  The feet book by Dr. Suess. 

2.  Paige, you informed us at dinner last night that clapping is actually hitting ourselves.  You suggested that we do the wavy jazz hands that is sign language for clapping. 

3.  Ellie you picked out a nicer viola at Milanos since you have been the first "practicer"in the family. 

4.  Daniel started a tiny burn/fire in his "home" by purchasing a fan type heater that he then proceeded to leave on for days.  When I found said "fire"and he was no where in site, and I removed said heaters, Uncle Danny has proceeded to pitch a fit.  A fit that entails sore joints and needing to nap during work hours.  I keep singing "burning down the house."   He might be the reason I have to dye my hair every 5 weeks. 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

The afternoon with Uncle Danny

I took Uncle Danny back to get his cancer-stiches out today.  Let me say that every minute with him is filled with something hilarious and I need to not forget to layer the underwears when I am out with him - I pee my pants EVERYTIME.  I know I have a bladder problem, but damn he just says crazy shit. 

First, we get in the car and Billy Ocean is on for the second time today - heck yes I love the B.O "Get out of my dreams and into my car." Creepy yet catchy eh.  To which Uncle Danny says, "Man, I love me some Neil Diamond." YES and YES thank you for that.  This is wrong in so many ways.  Billy vs. Neil - - hands down Billy could take Neil out in a sing-off or a fist-off.  Neil stays classy and that always wins out.  Who (besides a mentally handicapped person could ever confuse the two? ok, and your dad.  Who else? NO ONE)

We make a quick pit stop at the grocery store for some jelly (yes, jelly.  He needed some) and then head into Dr. Glicks.  He stares a larger lady down for a full 4 minutes.  The look he has on his face is that he feels sorry for her.  Yep.  I double dig that he really doesn't get that he is mentally and physically handicapped.  Remember that his humility is always short lived; today was no exception.   He then says, "Gordita." under his breath.  Awesome.

He then looks at me and says, "I'm so old Nathan Babbitt is my best friend and we are tiiighht." Random, yet awesome.  I counter with, "You are so old you bff is Mr.  Miagi." To which he says, "Ohhh you so bad.  You so bad."

We head into the room where he proceeds to pick-up on every female within 2 feet.  The PA came in and it was one of the cute ladies that watched Dr. Glick sew him up last time.  She checked out the healing process and this was our conversation:

Dr. Carly/Dr. Adorable, "Daniel Babbitt, have you ever heard of Babbitt Motors?"
Danny is losing it in the chair - he is giggling and making grunting noises

Me/Hot-mom "Why yes, we own them.  In fact Daniel works there."

Danny, "Ï'm a mechanic."

Me/Hot-mom "Danny is our lead mechanic."

Dr. Carly/Dr. Adorable, "My husband is a customer at the Mesa shop.  That's great that you are the lead mechanic.  I'm sure you will work on his car."

Danny is convulsing.  I'm not looking forward to doing his laundry for he seriously pooped his long johns.  Not joking.  I wish I were.  Seriously,  I wish I were joking.  I hate it when he poops his under nothings.  Yuck

Dr.  Carly/Dr. Adorable says goodbye and walks out. 

 Danny turns to me and says, "Thanks Jen,  you've always got my back."

I said, "Of course.  She loved that you are the lead mechanic."

Danny, "I really want to learn about cars.  Do you think Nathan will teach me?  Maybe I should go to car college."

We get in the car to grab you (Carter) and drop Danny off at the Mesa shop to get his golfcart.  All of the sudden in the car Danny says,

"Do you know where my dad is?"

Damnit.  How am I going to approach this......again.....He never tires of this subject.  I look confused..... a lot...................and then I look out my window and realize we are next to the cemetary.  Oh duh.

I say, "He is in the front."

Danny,"(with his hand in the air) Baby Jesus please keep an eye on Homer."

Oh Lord.  What just happened. 

Monday, February 4, 2013

Ladies Nigh a la Demon Tail

I had a ladies gathering this past Saturday lovers.  Twas great, minus the fact that your Mama was stung four times by the demon tail.  At first it looked as if my womb crew wasn't going to show.  Jessica and Alina arrived and tu'Papa was hanging with me.  I invited him to stay.  Thank Baby Jesus I did just that, for I was sitting there chatting it up with the lovely Stefanie when I reached my left hand around to see what was bugging my back.  Sting on my pinkie, sting on my wrist.  I immediately know it is a Demon Tail and turn my back to the Captain and say

"I think I just got stung by a scorpion."

He of course didn't believe me, until I turned my back to him and he screamed like a 5 year old.  He took a plate to squish it on my back.  It proceeded to sting me two more times on my back.  2 inches from my spine.  Ahhh, good stuff.  All of the ladies were so damn fabulous.  Grabbing me icepacks and Advil and such.  Love them.  Jessica's cousin Alina kept a fresh glass of wine in my hand at all times.  Between the wine, icepack, and advil I was great. 

The rest of the evening passed with great food, talk of kids, meeting new friends, yoga, etc.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself and need to stay on top of organizing these things. 

Friday, February 1, 2013

Skin Cancer Part 1

Yesterday I took Uncle Danny to his skin Cancer surgery.  I will post pictures in a sec with all of the details.  Let me first write what happened in the lobby.

Danny turns his head toward me, gets a little misty eyed, and says,

"Whenever I'm around you I smell my dad."

Is this a compliment or is this the WORST INSULT LIKE EVA