Monday, July 30, 2012

Teeth are bananas

I believe in toothless kindergarteners.  Tis the only time I really think one can pull off missing teeth with such fervor.  I mean,  how adorable is this.  So, we were at Dr.  Morris's office and you had a cavity on your front tooth.  MOM OF THE  YEAR!! MOM OF THE YEAR!  So, we semi filled it a couple of times and the filling just kept falling out.  (Do you like how I say "we" like I'm a dentist.  Awesome) Your baby tooth is such a big baby.  I asked the kind dr.  to please remove the semi- loose tooth prior to school starting next week.  We need to make a good impression.  Honestly, I tell ya'all 50% of grades is teeth, kissing ass, and looking clean.

He is sooo not a fan of your mama.  He thinks I like to pull teeth for pleasure.  Ok, maybe there is a wee bit of truth to that statement.  I should be on that TV Show about people who like to take Pine sol showers and eat the crumbs out of ashtrays.  I would be a hit.  Tooth pulling doesn't have the yuck factor like eating the stuffing out of one's couch.  I would be the hot girl on the show.  Oh my gosh, remember that one where the lady liked to pick her ears with sharp objects.  She is now part deaf and still shoves scissors in them ears.  Ahhhhh.  That would be a horrible obsession.  

So,  the assistant lady was in the room with you, Ava, and I was a wall over with your brother.  I was just telling dr. Morris that there was going to be some cussing in the car on the way home.  NO ONE is taking care of their teeth.  Brush your freaking teeth children.  It is not cool for your mom to brush your teeth when you are 13 and 14.   I hear crying from next door.  I look at Morris and ask if there is a safe word.  He looks at me and says, "Wow, I haven't heard that term in awhile.  What is going on at your house.  Hahahhaa"  

Ok, so maybe it looks like I read 50 Shades of Grey all of the time.   I shout out  "The safe word is banana."  Dr. Morris starts singing Gwen Stefani's banana song.  Hot Damn, being at the dentist is all sorts of fun.  B.A.N.A.N.A.S.  He laughs and says, "Banana.  Wow Jen. "  

Okay,  it was all a big misunderstanding.  I thought, "I don't wish to interrupt the kind assistant.  You know how kids can kind of hold it together until their "safe" zone a.k.a Mother Fing Bear walks in?"  I am a bit of a Mother Bear.  I welcome ya'all to come up with all sorts of names for me.  Bring it.  tenacious bulldog might be one.  (I was actually called that by my director at my first "real" job.  I took it as a compliment)  This is now an official contest in our home.  Begin.

The screaming stops.  That was just the shot.  Damn Damn.  

The pulling of the tooth wasn't all that bad.  It would have been better if I could have pulled it.  I would have loved to have those awesome pliers in my little manos.  That could have been part of that tv show.  I could have turned to the camera and smiled a devilishly grin whilst yanking in your boca.  Then there could have been a bubble above my head that could have read what I was thinking.  " Remember that time that nail tech was waxing my eye brows and said, "(gasp) Gurl, you need upper lip waxed" and I would be yanking on the tooth and be all "Take that nail tech lady.  Don't ever point out lip sweaters like they are something to be ashamed of."

Anyways,  every time I see you now I see a wide hole in thy mouth.  Which is all sorts of cute and adorable.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Dearest Offspring,

To Celebrate our 16 years of Marriage I thought I would post a lovely assortment of pictures.  (Please play Positive K's "I've Got a Man" whilst you gaze at our love.)  Don't be burned young ones.  We are one white hot married couple.   I remember our first date.  He had on stone washed jeans.  They had gone out of style 7 years prior.  Poor thing.  I dated him anyways.  I know I am a GIVER.  

On our wedding day my lovely car started on fire.  Twas awesome.  We got ourselves married at that little chapel downtown and were off to Mexico for a sweet vacay.  Does it matter that I got the revenge?  No,  inhouse poop day was romantic.  

Two short years later we found out we were having you, #1.  What a beautiful treat.  After your glorious birth from my lady garden we had Paige 17 months later.  You heard me.  I know you guys are gifted and all but have you ever done the actual math?  Hot Damn.  White hot I tell ya.  "Gross mom.  Don't insinuate that you and dad had the intercourse."  Sorry little lovers but I am telling our story of amore right now, bear with me.  

(on a wee side note - check out tu padre.  He is all, Lady love - I dig your thigh.  Even though you have the red eyes of Satan right now, I dig you.  I really really dig you.) 

Three short years later was super Elle.  Thank you E.  You are so spunky and bring mucho excitement to our lives.  I could never say I have lived until I was mother to poocasso.  Your talent at the poo art was one for the ages.  I appreciate that you have moved on to bigger and cleaner things.  Thank you.

Four short years after E was A.  Ms.  Ava.  All four of your rock.  Everyone of you are different and unique.  As for your biological father and I we are having another baby.  

Just kidding.  My sacred birth canal is empty.  It was funny yesterday when I gathered all of you into my room for the sole purpose of calling our order into 5 guys ahead of time.  I sat everyone down on the rug and you all looked so pensive that I announced that we were having a baby.  Hahahahhahahahaha.  Sorry I wet myself.  Hahahahahahaha.  Hot Damn you guys are gullible.  No, we will not be having any more potlickers.  We is done ya'all.

Below are my 2 fav pictures from this past year.  I believe your dad won the vote of who looked best in the dress.  

Hot stuff.  Here is to 16 years.  Cheers.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Hahahaha Boob

Elle,  You did a great job capturing the haboob the other day.  Dirt showers exist and they are awesome.  

I can't thank tu padre enough for the pool cover idea.  Our pool looks so beautiful the next day.  

The funny thing is remember that "bargain" E made with me regarding you, Miss. P going to night Splash?  Remember how I was initiating prayer circles so that you wouldn't be able to go to night Splash?  Well,  I received a phone call from Latrenda where I hear,

"Look to the East before you pay."

"What? "

"Look to the East before you pay."

I like word riddles.  Hmm.  Where is she going with this?  India is in the East.  I don't like Indian food.  Vietnam?  I do enjoy some Thai food.  I don't like burkas.  Hmmm

"Jen.  There is a haboob coming.  Go outside I bet it is at Val Vista right now."

"YESSSSSS No nightsplash.  Prayer circles do work."


Dear Carter,

I'm sorry that dad fell asleep on your date the other night - IN PUBLIC.  It was fairly kind of you to throw spit balls at his ojos while he slept.  Good times.



Back to Escuela Haircuts

Dear 12 year old Paige,

Dearest Paige,  Here is a Sunday when you were 12.  

We tend to frequent St. Francis quite a bit.  Here is a Sunday where Alyssa spent the night and we got our fav table in the front.  You ladies both had baked chocolate chip pancakes.  Holy goodness.  

Your handsome father and I had fancy tasting stuff.  

Miss. A had her quinoa salad and your brother had a large hamburger.  E had a pancake.  

Afterwards we headed over to Zinnias for some vintage frills.  Your brother had a lot of fun trying to convince me to purchase really expensive vintage t-shirts.  If I were wealthy and was in the mood to throw around $42 for a t-shirt that was worn out I would have gone with this one.  


Check out the look on his face.  Heehehehehehe

I'm noticing a trend with the shirts he picked out.  Mayhaps he is a teenage boy?

What the heck?   Did he find every shirt that has the word lover?  

I thought your dad might appreciate this green velour suit.  It seems like something he would wear.

I hope your summer left you fond memories of all sorts.  Last evening you and Alyssa made breakfast burritos and watched the Proposal.  Funny that Ryan Reynolds is all sorts of lovely to every age group. I love you.

Best of Luck surviving the Jr.  High!


Ava y Ava

Rand's lady of Hope has a daughter named Ava.  You two are in love.  It is quite darling.

Jessie + Peter Piper = Bliss

During the 2011-2012 year of the dragon you were good buds with Jessie Langford.  Here is a picture with Jessie and his cousin Krew.  All of you attended Mrs. McClures preschool this year.  Look at your face darling.  You might be the cutest 5 year old like ever.  There was a countdown everyday for the 4 days leading up to the party.  Probably 4 times a day you would ask how many more days until the party.  

You ate your pizza with such vigor whilst sitting next to Preston.  Preston was in our carpool with Jessie for preschool this year.  He likes superheros, cars, and going on long walks.  Jessie is really into legos, star wars, and looking cute.  

Check out Elle, minus her head, right behind you.  She was the best big sister today.  I also enjoy how she has developed a sense of fashion style all her own.  It usually involves cut offs and bright colors.  

This picture is divine.  I love how you are almost translucent.  I've never had that before.  It sometimes makes me feel all spiritual with you being part ghost and all.  Sometimes we pretend play that you are allergic to the sun and need to wear clothes that cover every inch of you skin.  Okay, maybe it isn't pretend play.  

Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Fourth of July

Our cousin Eva flew in from Germany recently.  She will be staying with Auntie Kim and us for the next couple of months.  She is quite lovely.  Here are some photos from her first 4th of July in the US.  

I dare say, Uncle Dave looks like a monkey.  That is his friend across the table.  Really nice guy;  and I have no clue what his name is.  It would be a fare guess to say Chris or Brandon.  I feel like most of Dave's friends have one of those names.

Sabrina and Sammantha enjoyed the counter stools.  It stormed for the first part of the day so we waited for a bit before swimming.

Dad, Rand, and Roger had a great time being wee boys.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Love is in the air

Love is in la air.  The other day someone called needing a babysitter.  Paige, you were going to do it.  Towards the pick-up time you decided you wanted to take a nap instead.  I said the following,

"If you choose not to babysit then you will not be going with your friends to Sunsplash for evening swim."  (This was scheduled to happen in a couple of days.)

You said, "Find.  I don't care."

Turns out you do care poppet.  When your friends contacted you via the text message you had a lil melt down over your choice not to sit on la babies.  Bummer.  You tried your darndist to stomp your feet and cry.  I have a heart of stone so those methods don't work on me.  Bummer.  Even E was upset for you and tried to plead your case.  HEART OF STONE.

Fast forward to the next day.  You had organized for Grandma to pick you up for a sleepover.  You had it all set up for Ellie to come with you.  Ellie says,

"Nah.  I'd rather go swimming instead."

Ruh Roh

Ellie sees the look on your face and then turns to me and says,

"Okay,  I will go with Paige to grandma's if you let her go to Sunsplash."

1.  I commend you on turning a non-negotiation situation into one.
2.  I Love that you had your sister's back.  A first that I would like to commemorate with a fist bump and possibly a poem.  Seriously awesome.

I said, 

"Throw in 2 free babysitting sessions on Paige's end and you've got yourself a deal.  Look me in the eyes and shake on it."

Damnit.  I really didn't want you let you go to Sunsplash and your babylazy worked in my favor.  I'm on the lookout for another trade/bargain.

Sunday, July 15, 2012


We may be making a trip to the California soon and I thought we could have a wee trip down memory la lane.  

Remember how you, E, had to stretch yourself to be able to reach the height requirement for the rides.  Every time we looked over at you this is what we found.

And Again

On a random note, remember when your dad liked to do things that were questionable to get a reaction out of me?  Here is one of those lovely instances.

As I was searching through the pictures I saw this one of you Paige.  I was like, "Who is that?  That doesn't look like one of my kids."