Saturday, April 30, 2011

Polyandry

Polyandry = a lady marrying more than one man

Since polygamy is always a hip subject around here it was funny when we were watching a TV show called "The Voice" this morning. We all sat around the boob tube and watched some good ole singing. Adam Levine , Marswoon 5, is one of the judges. I did swoon. Your dad laughed and told me I should come up with

THE POLYANDRY DREAM TEAM

I'm totally down with it and Adam L, darling, you are definitely on it! Stay tuned for other team members.

Marriage

Looks like marriage tis the subject of la week. Today,

Ava, "Moooooom, are we allowed to marry our sisters?"

Me, "Nope."

Ava, "Can I marry someone else's sister?"

Me, "Yep."

Ava, "I want to marry Annie then."

Me, "Awesome."

Annie is your new BFF that came over and played groovy girls on your bed with you for a couple of hours Thursday. Annie is uber adorable and very exuberant. Cute how you are picking your way through your thoughts. Yesterday it was all about how McDonalds get's the ice cream ingredients to the store. 20 questions later you understood that farms send products in trucks to different stores. (Dudes, For arguments sake I had to go with items at McDonalds=real food. If not it would have been utterly confusing for your sister and we would never have cemented a flowchart in her wee brain.)

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Month in Review

I love myself some good healthy eating. I had to capture this avocado- lettuce - tomato - party. Of course your brother had to try to get in every picture with one of his amazing smiles.



So to summarize the past 3 weeks I would say, " Dios Mio. Make it stop."

Your dad just slept last night for the first time in almost 2 weeks. Holy Hell I hate the insomnia.

Paige - you went were sick twice and went on your ELP field trip in between the vomit-circus.

Carter - you hurt yourself in Weight Training and I had to run and grab you to get you fixed. Add to that you are 13 and have uncontrollable hormone surges. Pobre nino. I'm sorry you have to grow so fast.

Ava - You have an obsessive addiction with asking for having friends over ev er y freaking secccccond of every single day!!!!!!!!!! You also asked the following this week:
1. How are babies made?
2. Will you be my mom and dad when I get married?
Since not all of you wish to be married, I found this interesting.

Ellie - Darling, I NEVER thought in all of my days that I would state the following,

"Girlfriend - you have been the best behaved - healthiest - nicest - least destructive child of the month. Yeah to you Pippi Longstocking."

I have decided that you may be Pippi reincarnate. I was rereading one of the many Villa Villakulla tales last evening and was all, "AHHHHH - Ellie=Pippi -

1. Throwing eggs on the ceiling = Check
2. Wears interesting clothes = Check
3. Walks backwards most places = Check
4. Dances to her own band = Check ( I mean band. There isn't just one drummer here. Tis a band)
5. Interesting hair = Check (I find it humorous when the teachers at the school giggle about how I "let" you go to school without brushing your hair. Hahahahahaha. Not funny professoras, how would you get the Chupacobra to brush its hair?)



IN CONCLUSION

I demand that life go back to our normal. Amen


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A few more juicy pictures from our trip

Let us all have a moment of silence for the nude beach.






I will pray for all of you on a daily basis in hopes that you will NEVER EVER encounter a "where did my clothes go?" Beach. Tis not pleasant and should not be experienced.

What should be experienced is sunscreen little ones. I know I talk about my love for sunscreen all of the time, but there is a reason. Now I have photographic proof of my rantings.
A la "He Who Must Not Be Named":

What pray tell was he thinking? Was it, "I am going to make a white rainbow on me belly by holding a large, boring book on my lap whilst I lay out in the hot sun?"

Or was it,

"April likes herself some redneck so I will appeal to her feminine senses by marking myself with the sign of "I FORGOTS TO PUT ON MY SUNSCREEN AND TURNED MESELF A SHADE OF HIC.K YEEHAW"

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Remember how tu padre is an insomniac? Here is a picture of him after 4 nights of NO sleep. Absolutely no sleep. I feel so bad for him. Check out how he has to really focus to make sure it looks like his eyes are open. Anyway that is not the topic I am wishing to discuss.

He sat down and I said, "Wow, I dig the hair."

To which you, Ellie, exclaimed, "YOUR HAIR IS SO EXCITING."

Really? I would never have pegged this hairstyle for "exciting". Compared to the afros he has been sporting as of late, I would have said "tame hairdo daddyo"

I am extremely curious to see what path you are going to take little one. You are so super different than both dad and I and I find it exciting to see what you are going to do with your life. Cheers

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Tia Allie y Tio John

Uncle John and Tia Allie arrived last week. We had a jolly time. On Sat we ventured to Smeeks, a delicious candy store. We purchased some dandys from Frances (a boutique) next door. On the way home we ate at America's tacos. After a quick change we arrived at Miss. Sue's house for a swim. The following are an array of the lovely moments from our swim.







The ZOooo field trip

You were beyond excited for the zoo field trip. 48 hours before it started and it was all you could talk about. LITERALLY.


The Carnival ride



A random peacock that was brushing up along my leg.



Hayley - you - and Ella. April and Ella were also at the zoo (same day) with Ella's preschool. I believe you said,

"This is the best day ever." also "I like me some elephants and giraffes." also "How are babies made?"




You and Riley. She is one of the friendliest children I have ever met. She ran from the street this morning, barely unbuckling from her car seat screaming, "Ava, Oh Ava, let's hold hands and go in to school together."

Awesome

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Just another evening of learning

You know how not much surprises me anymore? Remember how when your dad asked me to marry him he followed it up with:

"Hey, just a heads up - I may be on a hit list."

My thoughts were, "Oh this is my reality now. Ok, I'm down with it. I watch Charlies Angles, I got this."

I'm not kidding. I was so uber young that I really thought, "This is not strange." Isn't it funny how certain things hit us as "strange" or "weird". So it was interesting last night when your dad and I were watching some random Sea Life show and I had a crazy gut reaction to the strangeness of it.

I literally said, "What the heck is that." I kept having deep intakes of breathe and gasping for air. I heard myself saying over and over, " Oh my gosh, what is that. Oh my gosh what is that on it's "face"?"

At this point you, Paige, walked into the room WAYYYYYY past your bedtime and say,

"Oh, that would be an elephant seal."

Let's just let this marinate for a second.






This was said very matter of fact and in no way was it condescending. Back to the TV, the Seal thingys started fighting and biting each others GIGANTIC nose trunk thingamabobs off. Puke / vomit / regurgitate whatever is in mi belly.


I muy enjoy learning from you darling #2. Turns out for your mama wildlife trumps strange human activity.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Dear Captain

Dear Mi Amigo La Captain,

I LOVE this picture. It is so muy rare that you take a decent photo. Remember on our trip how your beardo smelled like rotten anus? Remember how I leaned in to smell it and April looked like she would throw up on us? Remember how I leaned in and took another big whiff to see if she would really puke? Ahhhh memories Lover, Dios Mio that makes me smile. I really don't think her vomit could have smelled any worse than your al la stinky beard.

On to more importante matters. You are heading off to your yearly hombre voyage to La Coachella. I will miss you dearly and hope that you are muy safe and joyous. Please remember to take lots of photos. Please dispose of the angry / crazy eyes and give me "Hola Lover" face like the above picture. No tangling with the mujeres- remember that I make your heart beat with love sugar. Ay Cap i tan, Pura Vida includes a great RV park, some fancy music, and laying on the grassy hills with tu amigos - Erik y Benjamin.

Hugs and French Kisses

Esposa #1


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

You know how when you were / are little (depends on when you are reading this lovely scrapbook I've made you) everyone was all up in arms about illegal immigrants. Remember how some crazies would even go so far to say
"The illegal immigrants are taking all of our jobs."

I'm not a sterotyper but guess what? Anyone who made the above comment is............................................wait for it...............................................NOT a hard worker. Yes, I said it. Anyone who is a person complaining about the $9 per hour jobs is NOT - let me sing it
Traalalalalala NOT a hard worker. I tell you why young ewoks. Tis because I have NEVER seen one of these complainers wanting to do the jobs that the illegals are performing. Never once have I seen the complainers say, "Hey I want to wash your car, or clean your house, or harvest the broccoli fields just North of your house Jen." Arrrr. It makes me break out in pirate.

I have mucho experience in such matters and it bores me. Yes simply bores me. That is why when I stumbled or rather showed up at my dinner table on our cruise I was overjoyed with an immigrant employee who worked like a dog for his Carnival wages. I was so super impressed I told him I would help him with a job if he was able to obtain a work visa. It is so super rare that I am impressed with someone's work ethic!


Vlado from Serbia is said worker. The other two Slavko and Gade were also wonderful! Yeah to Carnival for assisting people from countries where they would never make anything close to this. Sad that what they do make is not so great in my eyes, but hey they are happy for the opportunity and I was happy for the great service.

On to a lady who drove April and I CRAZY. She was in our tour bus for the zip lines. At first I thought, "Oh lady with a New Jersey accent, do not live up to the typical sterotype for said accent." Then we ventured over to getting geared up and in line and I thought, "Oh annoying lady with a New Jersey accent, please stop yakking." As we were walking up the path to wait for the first zip she started eating a banana off of a tree in the jungle. Since April and I were experts after our wee trip with Super Mario we both said, "AHHH, stop don't eat that small banana. Some of the small ones cause nasty poo for one week." We thought we were being so kind and Christ like. Turns out New Jersey lady did not think we were being anything but bossy and rude. "I'm hypoglycemic and I'm eating this! They are serving it later and it isn't dangerous. If I don't I will pass out!" Then her husband said something to the affect of "You skinny beeches - shut your traps." Why of all things.

Oh look, even in the picture she won't stop talking. Back to the story. While waiting to zip someone (maybe April) asked her where she was from. Oh crap, turns out not a good question.
Crazy lady, "I'M FROM SOUTH CAROLINA. WHAT BECAUSE OF MY ACCENT? HOW FAR BACK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GO WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU THAT?" A longer conversation followed where we explained manners to her.

Look at April's face in this picture - - - - - - priceless.

Back on the water I stuffed my face with more food. Look how happy tu padre is. All his fluffy Bo and Luke Duke hair. He looks like he just jumped a muscle car over the swamp while sending off orders for the Cuban army and I look like I smelled a fart at the Kentucky Derby.

Once we arrived in Miami we had most of the day to wander. To make the most of it we quickly rented a car and headed to a beach Randon Shay recommended. Turns out it is a naked beach. You read this right. Turns out there are people who ENJOY being completely naked on the beach. As we are walking up to said beach I see a Vienerfest. (Please use your German accents. It sounds a lot less dirty when we discuss these things)

I started laughing. My photo below includes ZERO background for a reason people. It was nuts. AHHH I said nuts. It was so gross and I have no urges to ever see anything so interesting again. April just kept looking down and walking. I thought, "Well if we are here, I might as well see what there is to see." Hahahahahahahahahahahaha Don't look up. That is my advice if you someday (as an adult) stumble onto a nudist beach.

Back at the safe end of the beach. April still won't look up. She would just pretend to dig in her pockets.

Two nights after getting home we were at the dinner table discussing our trip. When I said that we happened upon a nudist beach everyone started laughing. This is the conversation that followed:

Ellie, "Hahahahaha Oh that is so funny. Was everyone wearing speedos?"
Carter and Paige, "Probably not. HahahahahHAHAHAHA"
Me, "Oh Ellie what is a nudist beach?"
Ellie, "It is where old people do yoga with speedos on."
Me, "Awesome."

Friday, April 1, 2011

THE BEST POST EVER

Arriving home from our cruise was interesting. We headed straight over to say our goodbyes to Grandpa Babbitt. Holy heck that was hard. Your dad was holding you Miss. A. You two leaned in and said "I love you" one last time. Everyone was crying. What broke the silent sobbing you ask?

Why that would be Uncle Danny wailing. This was gut level crying like someone was dying. Oh wait, he was. AHHHHH. What makes your mom cry really hard? That would be Uncle Danny losing it and falling onto grandpa who was super frail on the bed. I snuck back in when everyone had left. He opened his eyes and reached out for both of my hands. I leaned in and said,

"Nathan and I love you so very much. It is time for you to go now. Don't be scared. Love you, Bye"

That was a hard night. We thought grandpa would be gone by the morning.

NOPE. He is one tough cookie. He held on for another 4 days. After that someone decided that we should wait another SEVEN days before we bury him. AHHHHHHHHHH. That AHH should go on for another seven lines. I digress, let me get to the good stuff......THE FUNERAL. Not kidding, it is GOOD Stuff!!


Here I go in a non-filtered kind of way - as they say on Disneyland's Thunder Mountain, "Hold on boys and girls cuz this here's going to be the wildest ride in the West."

1. There was a viewing. Yuck. Let's skip that part

2. Uncle Phil got up to go over grandpa's timeline. He just guns it into grandpa marrying Chelo. "What, excuse me. The taboo subject of the last 16 years of my involvement in this family is now on the table? Can I get a HOLLAR" Phil was super honest and extremely delicate. I LOVED it!!! He covered all of the marriages, the jobs, the involvement in the cult. He said things like, "And then Jenny left Homer taking the 3 kids with her. No one can blame her." I turned to your father and said, "THIS IS AWESOME!!!" Phil you seriously rocked your part man. I was super impressed with all of the details, with the kindness you gave to ALL 4 wives, and with not leaving a thing out. I am totally church high fiving you right now.


3. Sam gave a very sweet talk about a few of the kind things grandpa did for his kids. A baseball game he once played and the time he let Angie put fingernail polish on him.


4. HERE WE GO - THE GOOD STUFF. Al Farnsworth got up to speak. He jumped on board the honest train and away we went. He covered Homer having him meet with the cult leaders. How Homer was convinced to follow the "evil Lebarons". I do think the Lebarons were evil, but it was a little humorous to have my Lebaron relatives sitting by me in the chapel and cringing a bit every time he said it. He went into how Homer left Conzuela and their 9 children. He went into the fact that when Homer decided to leave the cult he met with the Mormon church leaders and they fasted and prayed about letting the Babbitts into the Mormon Church. (remember their cult was known for infiltrating the Mormon church and sabotaging it) Then he went into how he told Homer he would stay married to Sylvia and would have to completely separate himself from Marjean and the kids. "Wait - Al said what. Did you just clarify years of mystery? Did you just heal some kids feeling like they were less than other kids? Holy heck Al I'm going to forgive you for the "Most of you won't go to heaven" comment and give you a big Shout Out for the Therapy SES SION. " Al darling, you said the word bloodbath at a funeral. Let's all take a moment of silence for that one.


I agree with Al that yes grandpa made some poor choices; but the fact that he brought his family to the States and changed their lives for the better makes up for most of it. He bucked a paradigm ingrained in him from childhood and uprooted his family from Mexico, a place he loved more than anything. He went against CULT leaders that were super influential and charismatic.

For all of the Non-Mormons in the chapel (yes, there were quite a few) they were most stunned by Al's comment, "The happiest day of my life was the day my wife died." I get how that may come across as something unkind, but it was truly meant in a very loving way. I also can't stop laughing to see it from another person's point of view.

So Homer if you are following my blog I will give you one last send off,

I hope you enjoyed your funeral. We all left with such a great feeling. It was honest, it was transparent, it was loving, it was non-judgemental, and it was super healing. I hope you can be happy now!