Bedtime conversations

A: "I don't want to go sleep.  I keep having bad dreams about blood sucking poodles."


Me: " When I can't sleep I like to think about things that make/made me happy.  Disneyland is a great one.  Just lay there and think about riding Pirates of the Caribbean."  

E: " I like to think about my fingers."  (giggling)


Me: "What?" (strange face made by your mother)


E: "Yeah,  I really don't wish to be fingerless, so I am happy I have fingers and like to think about them."

Last night whilst I was cleaning up the counter in the kitchen you walked over and said,


C: "Hey, I heard this line on Dinner for Schmucks and was wondering what it means."


Me:  "What was it?"


C: "Hey I lost the clitoris."


Me: (in a very calm professora voice) " It is located at the top of the vagina.  It is under a small hood of skin and women have it to help them have an orgasm.  Would you like to know what an orgasm is?"


AT this POINT you make a face like you licked Uncle Danny's black head that is the size of a walnut on his back.  I wish we had cameras on you 24/7 because it was one of the funniest faces I've seen from you.


C: "NO, no I don't want to know."


Me: "Really, I would love to explain it all to you."


C: "No, really please don't tell me."  


You ran away from me as fast as possible.  I walked in to my bedroom and dad was on the bed in hysterics.