I took Uncle Danny back to get his cancer-stiches out today. Let me say that every minute with him is filled with something hilarious and I need to not forget to layer the underwears when I am out with him - I pee my pants EVERYTIME. I know I have a bladder problem, but damn he just says crazy shit.
First, we get in the car and Billy Ocean is on for the second time today - heck yes I love the B.O "Get out of my dreams and into my car." Creepy yet catchy eh. To which Uncle Danny says, "Man, I love me some Neil Diamond." YES and YES thank you for that. This is wrong in so many ways. Billy vs. Neil - - hands down Billy could take Neil out in a sing-off or a fist-off. Neil stays classy and that always wins out. Who (besides a mentally handicapped person could ever confuse the two? ok, and your dad. Who else? NO ONE)
We make a quick pit stop at the grocery store for some jelly (yes, jelly. He needed some) and then head into Dr. Glicks. He stares a larger lady down for a full 4 minutes. The look he has on his face is that he feels sorry for her. Yep. I double dig that he really doesn't get that he is mentally and physically handicapped. Remember that his humility is always short lived; today was no exception. He then says, "Gordita." under his breath. Awesome.
He then looks at me and says, "I'm so old Nathan Babbitt is my best friend and we are tiiighht." Random, yet awesome. I counter with, "You are so old you bff is Mr. Miagi." To which he says, "Ohhh you so bad. You so bad."
We head into the room where he proceeds to pick-up on every female within 2 feet. The PA came in and it was one of the cute ladies that watched Dr. Glick sew him up last time. She checked out the healing process and this was our conversation:
Dr. Carly/Dr. Adorable, "Daniel Babbitt, have you ever heard of Babbitt Motors?"
Danny is losing it in the chair - he is giggling and making grunting noises
Me/Hot-mom "Why yes, we own them. In fact Daniel works there."
Danny, "Ï'm a mechanic."
Me/Hot-mom "Danny is our lead mechanic."
Dr. Carly/Dr. Adorable, "My husband is a customer at the Mesa shop. That's great that you are the lead mechanic. I'm sure you will work on his car."
Danny is convulsing. I'm not looking forward to doing his laundry for he seriously pooped his long johns. Not joking. I wish I were. Seriously, I wish I were joking. I hate it when he poops his under nothings. Yuck
Dr. Carly/Dr. Adorable says goodbye and walks out.
Danny turns to me and says, "Thanks Jen, you've always got my back."
I said, "Of course. She loved that you are the lead mechanic."
Danny, "I really want to learn about cars. Do you think Nathan will teach me? Maybe I should go to car college."
We get in the car to grab you (Carter) and drop Danny off at the Mesa shop to get his golfcart. All of the sudden in the car Danny says,
"Do you know where my dad is?"
Damnit. How am I going to approach this......again.....He never tires of this subject. I look confused..... a lot...................and then I look out my window and realize we are next to the cemetary. Oh duh.
I say, "He is in the front."
Danny,"(with his hand in the air) Baby Jesus please keep an eye on Homer."
Oh Lord. What just happened.