Dearest Children,

Today you are not acting like my dear lovely children. Dad and I returned from Jen and Jason's wedding (I will post pictures in a bit) to find you children acting out of sorts. You are all whiney and cryee and bursting into tears like you've had an arm bitten off by a shark.

#3 you just screamed, "No one is nice to me, not even dad and you."

To which #4 asked me, "Mom, why are you not being so nice to my sister? Ma'oom you need to be nicer to Ellie. Have you thought about it yet? Mom, mommy, mama no listening to me. Oh, never mind Elle is behaving poorly."

#2, when I advised you that we would all be going outside to assist your father in a bit you said, "You won't hear a complaint, but you will see one."

Mom, "What the what? Hand me your book."

10 minutes later

#2, "Ok, I'm am sorry I sassed you, can I have the book back?"

#4, "What does assed you mean?"

Mom. "SASSED - it means to speak contradictory to your dear mother."

#4, " Assed means being mean?"

Mom, "AHHHHHHHH. I want to go back to the Four Seasons. I don't care that it was crazy expensive. I don't care that I almost died from an allergic reaction. I want to go back to my happy place - where the Captain acted like he was 10 and I laughed my actual ASS off."