Friday, June 24, 2011

MOUSE HOUSE




I'm sitting in the Tempe shop having a little lunch with 2 employees and Uncle Danny.  It is an interesting time with the discussion ranging from one of them being a "player" to  Rhett being stung by a scorpion in our backyard.  When it moved to the stinging demon discussion I remember to remind Danny not to sprinkle the rat poisoning around the backyard.  (Yes, my brain bounces around from - 1. deviltail 2. Danny has wood by his trailer that will attract them 3. He also told me he dumped poison around to kill rats) Since he was ""raised"" (double quotes for this one) by Homer he tends to 
1.  Over medicate.  If he isn't sick he enjoys some Theraflu.  If he is sick he believes it should be consumed in Costco quantities
2.  Transplants any flower/shrub/tree with fervor.  Plants that are doing great are plucked up and planted 2 feet away.  Why???? Excellent question my dears.  His "biological" father fancied himself a farmer.  Farmers plant shit.  
3.  He LOVES to poison gofers and other rodents.  This is done with as much gusto as the Theraflu.


BACK TO THE CONVERSATION:


Danny:  (in a hushed whisper) "Psst.  I need to tell you something in private."


Me THE Mother Figure:  "It's okay.  Tell me now.  What's up?"


Danny: "I've been sleeping with one."


ALL HEADS WHIP AROUND and TALKING COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT.  THE ROOM IS SILENT AND AWAITS MY NEXT QUESTION:


Me THE Mother Figure:  "What, pray tell have you been sleeping with?"


Danny:  "It was really hairy.  It ain't no grasshopper."


Me THE Mother Figure:  "Did it spoon you?  How on earth did you know you were sleeping with a mouse?"


Danny:  "I opened my eyes one morning and it was sitting in front of my face.  I reached out and touched it.  It was sooooo soft. (Big Smile)"


GASPS


Me THE Mother Figure: "WTFFFFF?"  Inside my head: "Ok girl, put on a kind calm face.  He isn't freaking out about sleeping with a mouse. "  Out Loud: "Why don't you go pick up some mouse traps? "


Danny: "I don't really feel like it."


I grabbed some...... (16)...... mouse traps later and delivered them to his mousehouse with some cut up cheese.  He looked perplexed.  


I reminded him again that we have a puppy and I don't wish to have her die from his party with rat poison.  


The DEBUT OF FIVE

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