Monday, July 30, 2012

Teeth are bananas

I believe in toothless kindergarteners.  Tis the only time I really think one can pull off missing teeth with such fervor.  I mean,  how adorable is this.  So, we were at Dr.  Morris's office and you had a cavity on your front tooth.  MOM OF THE  YEAR!! MOM OF THE YEAR!  So, we semi filled it a couple of times and the filling just kept falling out.  (Do you like how I say "we" like I'm a dentist.  Awesome) Your baby tooth is such a big baby.  I asked the kind dr.  to please remove the semi- loose tooth prior to school starting next week.  We need to make a good impression.  Honestly, I tell ya'all 50% of grades is teeth, kissing ass, and looking clean.

He is sooo not a fan of your mama.  He thinks I like to pull teeth for pleasure.  Ok, maybe there is a wee bit of truth to that statement.  I should be on that TV Show about people who like to take Pine sol showers and eat the crumbs out of ashtrays.  I would be a hit.  Tooth pulling doesn't have the yuck factor like eating the stuffing out of one's couch.  I would be the hot girl on the show.  Oh my gosh, remember that one where the lady liked to pick her ears with sharp objects.  She is now part deaf and still shoves scissors in them ears.  Ahhhhh.  That would be a horrible obsession.  

So,  the assistant lady was in the room with you, Ava, and I was a wall over with your brother.  I was just telling dr. Morris that there was going to be some cussing in the car on the way home.  NO ONE is taking care of their teeth.  Brush your freaking teeth children.  It is not cool for your mom to brush your teeth when you are 13 and 14.   I hear crying from next door.  I look at Morris and ask if there is a safe word.  He looks at me and says, "Wow, I haven't heard that term in awhile.  What is going on at your house.  Hahahhaa"  

Ok, so maybe it looks like I read 50 Shades of Grey all of the time.   I shout out  "The safe word is banana."  Dr. Morris starts singing Gwen Stefani's banana song.  Hot Damn, being at the dentist is all sorts of fun.  B.A.N.A.N.A.S.  He laughs and says, "Banana.  Wow Jen. "  

Okay,  it was all a big misunderstanding.  I thought, "I don't wish to interrupt the kind assistant.  You know how kids can kind of hold it together until their "safe" zone a.k.a Mother Fing Bear walks in?"  I am a bit of a Mother Bear.  I welcome ya'all to come up with all sorts of names for me.  Bring it.  tenacious bulldog might be one.  (I was actually called that by my director at my first "real" job.  I took it as a compliment)  This is now an official contest in our home.  Begin.

The screaming stops.  That was just the shot.  Damn Damn.  

The pulling of the tooth wasn't all that bad.  It would have been better if I could have pulled it.  I would have loved to have those awesome pliers in my little manos.  That could have been part of that tv show.  I could have turned to the camera and smiled a devilishly grin whilst yanking in your boca.  Then there could have been a bubble above my head that could have read what I was thinking.  " Remember that time that nail tech was waxing my eye brows and said, "(gasp) Gurl, you need upper lip waxed" and I would be yanking on the tooth and be all "Take that nail tech lady.  Don't ever point out lip sweaters like they are something to be ashamed of."

Anyways,  every time I see you now I see a wide hole in thy mouth.  Which is all sorts of cute and adorable.

1 comment:

Carrie said...

As far as funerals go that one sounded EPIC! It was so good I had to have a snack while I read it. Did they map out the marriages, kids, moves on a white board for those who weren't as familiar with the family history? That would have been helpful for the not-up-to-date attendee. Thanks for sharing. I love family fun!