E: "Mom, what is a period?" (We have had this conversation sooooo many times. I really think the amnesia is a cruel trick you play on your dad.)
Me: "Leave the room then.....................Well, Ellie remember how there is a uterus inside of women. Remember how the eggs drop down every month and if you don't create a baby with your husband your body flushes the eggs out with blood?"
E: "Remember that one time I used the bathroom at that restaurant where I had the potatoes that had that cheese that was gross? Well, I used the bathroom there and some lady must of had a period or something and didn't flush."
Me: "Very well could be. You will probably get yours in 6th or 7th grade. It happens every single month for the rest of your life." (I didn't go into menopause. I need you to grasp this topic first.)
E: "That is great. I am a big fan of blood. Every month? Can't wait."
A: "Oh mom. Happy Mom day. Do you like eating boogers? I really don't like boogers. Did you know there is a fox that is orange just like me? I have orange hair. Give me some salami."
C: "If you let me stay up and watch the history channel special with you I'll let you get a peek of the hair in my armpits." (Damn you child. You know just how to get to me. I've been trying to see how hairy your armpits are for weeks now. You always catch me trying to get a glance.)
Me: "This is super tempting! You have stayed up late rubbing my feet and if I'm going to live up to the whole "Mother's Day" thing you had better go to bed." (By the way, you were rubbing my feet because I put the Table of Contents together for your homework. Ahhhh I love projects too much.)