My favorite Christmas present

Uncle Danny's sideburns riddle my dreams with anxiety. They go straight out from the bottom of his ears to the middle of his face. What the What?? Are you serious? This has NEVER been popular nor will it EVER be. It has never been a style ANYONE has ever done. It is hilariously bad. I am not talking bad as in good.... 1989. I am serious when I say it is Electric Boogaloo bad. (Even though I Loved E.B. when I was younger, turns out it is a really horrible movie.)

So tonight Danny knocked on the door while I am in the middle of making dinner for 9 kids. I get called over to the doorway. Danny hands me a giant coffee mug filled with the most lovely candies and cookies. I said, "hey" and he hands me the mug. I'm like, "Did someone give this to you?" He says, "No". At this point I am really confused because one can not buy homemade treats at Walmart. Nate saunters in from the bedroom with a large grin on his face. He asks if I like Danny's Christmas present. Danny starts framing his face with his hands like he is dancing the Vogue. (Let's take a little sidebar from this story. He really IS vogueing. How does one spell that? Darn it all. How is one supposed to keep a straight face?) It is dark, but I start to glimpse the skin of young Daniel's face. THE ERATIC SIDEBURNS ARE MISSING. Praise the razor, Happy Holidays. Danny says, "I never knew you didn't like Elvis." Really, that was supposed to be Elvis? It came across as serial killer.

Danny leaves. I am about to dig in when Nate tells me that one of the guys at the body shop gave this large candy filled mug to Danny. Turns out Danny cut a small hole into the plastic and dug out the cookies that he liked before he gave it to me. WHAT? He put his fingers (I would trust a dirty hand from a 2 yr old that touches their bum hole after having acid poo before I would trust Danny's hand) where and then gave me what? Suck. Yes children I just said Suck. Good thing you won't be allowed to read this until you are of the age where I will be like, " remember the days when my main worry was that you might say the word suck. Can we please go back to the easy times when all I did all day was ban really funny words."