RIP Chica

This is a really hard post. I'm going to being truthful in writing this. I hope that someday when you have to rediscover feelings related to trauma in your life this will assist in that journey.

Paige, you went outside to play with Chica and to make sure she had a muzzle on. From inside the house I could hear Chica barking. All of the sudden I heard you (Paige) running and screaming. This was a scream that came from your gut. This was a scream that was hysterical. This was a scream laced with the words, "Chica is dead. Chica is dead." I went outside as you ran inside. I asked you,

Mom, "Paige, what happened?"

I was calmer than I have ever been in my life. Throughout this whole experience I remember thinking to myself, "You are so calm. This is good, Paige needs you to be calm. This is going to shape her forever. Remember, how you react to this is going to help her or harm her forever. Wow, you are so calm - you are rocking this one."

Paige, "The mailman ran over the dog. Chica is dead."

I walked out and looked down the street. I saw a lump of black on the road a ways down. I witnessed her little leg wiggling a bit. I walked back in the house. I could hear you (Paige) screaming from your room. In my calm voice I said,

Mom, "Paige, calm down. Get a towel and let's go grab the dog and get her to the vet. Ellie, grab A and get in the blue car."

The screaming continued for another minute.

Mom, "Paige, we can't help Chica if we don't calm down and get in the car."

Paige, "What?"

Mom, "Go grab a brown towel out of my bathroom and get in the blue car please."

We got in the car and drove to Chica. Paige, you and I got out of the car and walked over to Chica. She had passed away. There was a lot of blood and you could tell she was no longer there.

Mom, "Paige, let's say good-bye to Chica now."

Paige, "Oh Chica, I love you so much and I will miss you."

Mom, "Get in the car sweetie."

I called your dad and he rushed home. He walked right passed me and went back to your room and curled up with you, #2, on your bed. Your dad is an amazing man. The two of you hugged each other for the next 20 minutes.

I walked outside to grab Chica for burial and Vanessa Mortenson stopped her truck when she saw me. She picked up Chica without me even having to ask. She gently put her in the bag I was holding. She got back in her truck and left. She was such a great help.

Paige, you picked out a spot in the backyard and Dad dug a hole. Carter and Danny got home and we all gathered in the backyard. You added items to the hole that you thought would comfort Chica. Paige, you drew a picture and added stuffing from her pillow, and a bunch of dog treats. Dad grabbed a flower for the top and everyone took a turn at the shovel.

It has been 2 days. You went back to school today Paige. This afternoon we will go pick up our new adopted dog PRINCE HARRY.